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254 Seers and Ladders

 Dave opened his eyes back in the Moria respawn area. Sunlight shone through the thick foliage of the old trees, lighting the graveyard.

Dave worried about the paladins and basilisks, he hoped Zorah lead them out safely, he didn't know when he would get back to the Underworld.

Dave took a deep breath and exhaled, then checked his inventory. A smile broke out across his draugr face. He had one corrupted bloodstone crystal, just as requested.

He lost five levels from dying, but he'd gotten those five levels when Dogaron killed the chaos centipede, so easy come easy go. The week of 20% less EXP was going to be annoying, but getting the corrupted crystal was worth it. Overall, counting the final ingredient to revive the legion, he thought he had come out ahead.

"My precious!" Dave said, taking out the dark crystal. A black tar-like substance dripped from it over Dave's hand and dripped to the ground. The crystal released a sweet smell, when he inhaled it his head spin for a moment and a notification appeared in front of him.


Corrupted Bloodstone Crystal

Rarity: Epic

Quest item

Give the Corrupted Bloodstone Crystal to the Undeath God to complete the quest "Get the Shiny."


Dave put the crystal back in his inventory and he took a look at the other loot.


Chaos Book, Page 1 (Illegible)

A page from a book written by the god of madness.

Obtain all five pages of the book to unlock a unique skill.



Grim Blade

Category: Weapon

Type: Curved Dagger.

Damage: 20,000-30,000

Attribute bonuses:

+ 200 Agility

+200 Dexterity


Increases the duration of [Stealth] by 30 seconds.

An additional 50% Base Damage to the first attack after emerging from Stealth.

On every hit there is a 20% to inflict one of the following three effects [Poison], [Paralysis], or [Laceration].

Requirements: Level 500 or higher. Assassin Class.

Rarity: Unique

Weapon Tier: S


"This little baby will be great for Mercy when she reaches level 500." he grinned evilly, "And I'm gonna make her pay through the nose for it."

"Did you hear something?" someone said.

"Someone. Let's check it out."

There were other players in the graveyard.

Dave rummaged through his inventory for a teleportation scroll. He was still in his draugr form and didn't want to deal with random scrubs trying to get EXP off him.

"What the fuck?! There's a Death Knight here!" said a player.

The voice came from behind Dave.

Dave recognized the player, it was a hunter he'd fought on the border of the Wilds near Moria. A character named Sado.

An assassin in white joined the hunter.

"There ain't any high rank undead left in Conquest, man," the new player said.

These guys were the two players Dave had beat on to vent his frustrations after the Death Heart was stolen.

Dave thought for a moment then stepped into a brightly lit spot in the cemetery. His black Death Knight armor was fully visible, his eerie blue draugr eyes glowing from the darkness within the black helm.

The players stepped back unconsciously.

In a voice full of portent and doom, Dave intoned, "Tell them. Tell everyone that soon the undead will rise again!"

Dave stepped back smoothly into a pool of deep shadow, hiding himself from their eyes. He tore the scroll and disappeared, leaving behind two nervous and confused players.


"Did you see that? It was Mr. Skeletal!" said the hunter.

"It's probably just a skin or something. It can't be the skeletal guy, CCN hasn't released a new video for a long time."

"No man, it was him. I inspected him, the system said it was Kis'Shtiengbrah."

"Okay, so maybe it was. What was all that 'tell them' stuff?"

"I dunno, man. Maybe he's one of those weirdo roleplaying guys or somethin' stoopid like that."


Dave appeared in the ruined city of Urburg.

"Hey, asshole! Where are you?"

There was no reply.

Dave tapped his foot, annoyed. He'd been through a lot, he wanted to finish the quest and move on, but there was no sign of the undead god.

"Can't a god get some sleep around here?" The punk god complained, rubbing his eyes.

"Why does a god need to sleep?" Dave said.

"I'm a young god, kid."

"Whatever. And stop calling me kid."

The Undeath god chuckled, "So, you got the stuff?"

"Yeah, I got the stuff."

"Gimme it!"

"Why does it feel like I'm doing a drug deal?" he handed the crystal to the deity.

"Oh yeah! My precious," the undeath god inhaled deeply, holding the crystal close to his face.

"That's the stuff! Good job kid." He pocketed the crystal.

A notification appeared in front of Dave.


You have successfully completed the quest: Get the Shiny

You have gained + 3,000,000 XP (-20%)

Level UP

Level UP


Dave was pretty damn happy, he'd gotten some levels back. He figured he was pretty far to the good now.

"Soooo..." Dave looked at the teen deity expectantly.

"What's on your mind?"

"The undead. You said when you got the crystal you would bring the undead back."

"Yeah, but I need to do rituals and stuff," the god of undeath said.

That was a bit of a let down for Dave. But still, it was almost done, they had all the ingredients. The punk god just needed to get off his ass and do his rituals, mix the magic ingredients up, or whatever it took.

"How long will that take?"

"A while, I'm not really sure."

The normally brash and assertive deity was being evasive and non-committal.

"Whaddaya mean you're not sure? Are you gaslighting me, you fucking punk wannabe?"

"Wannabe? Watch it, kid! I'm the God of Undeath!"

"Alright then, Mr. 'God of Undeath,' wave your hands, or whatever, and bring the legion back like you promised."

"Okay, okay. Listen, there's one last ingredient I need-" The punk god started to say.

"I KNEW it. You're full of shit, a fake! You can't bring them back, admit it, you're not even a god!" Dave interrupted, throwing his hands up in frustrated anger.

The undead god shook his head and looked off to the side, "Look kid, some divine workings that I can't say anything about went off the rails, like a crazy-train. Because of that I'm here, awake before my time. I was always supposed to be the God of Undeath when I grew up. Instead I'm the God of Undeath before I'm a grown-up, so I'm not as strong as I should be. So work with me. Okay, kid?"

"No promises, but I'll listen to what you have to say...if you stop calling me kid."

"Ha! Deal, k..uh, deal!"

"You told me the corrupted crystal was the last thing you needed to bring the legion back, so why the fuck do you need another ingredient now?" Dave said.

"Well, I thought I could get that particular ingredient myself, but something or someone is working against me. Even though I warned the other gods off when I got here. So I have to rely on you again, kid. Unless you're going to give up on the legion..."

Dave groaned and asked, "What is it this time?"

"I need Undead Kin Blood."

"Pretend I haven't taken Magical Ingredients 101 and tell me what Undead Kin Blood is."

"The king's daughter has the blood of the Undead King in her veins. The blood of the first greater undead. That's the final component I need for the ritual."

"And what's stopping you from getting it?" Dave asked impatiently.

"Something or someone is interfering with my divine perceptions, hiding her from my sight. It's up to you to find her.".

Dave rubbed his temples, "And how am I supposed to find her? Do I need to buy a vowel?"

The undeath god shrugged, "There's this rather peculiar man who has a suitable talent for this situation. He lives on Mt. Glory. His name is Balaam, tell him I sent you, he owes me a favor."

"That's it? Wouldn't it be better for you to go yourself?" Dave said.

The teen punk god shrugged, "I told you, even gods have rules. I can bend them, but not break them." Then he disappeared.

"Ah shit, here we go again," Dave said resignedly.

A notification appeared in front of Dave.


Legacy Quest Update!

Quest name: To See or not to See.

Quest Difficulty: Unknown.

Quest description: Eleanor, princess of Arotsa has been kidnapped (again).

You are tasked with discovering her location (ain't that a kick in the head?).

An oracle named Balaam lives on Mt. Glory, located in the northern part of the [Southern Kingdom], area [-650-899].

The location has been marked on your map.

This is a solo quest. You cannot take players or NPCs with you on this quest.

Failure conditions: Balaam dies before he tells you the location of Princess Eleanor.

(So get to steppin' gofer-boy!)


"Just great. The smartass is back."